Because I have not written in a while, I have decided to provide you all with a fun and exciting breakdown of my week. For this I will mostly use an excel spreadsheet of my thoughts. You can click on this fancy pants little link if you would like.
You are welcome.
This was a special day for me because it was my first real night out without drinking lovely drinks. Even though I was expecting it to be awful, it was actually pretty fun. Getting ready was a teeny weeny bit of a different story because A) babies in the house, and B) no lovely getting ready drinks. This is how it went down (my piercing is keeping me so street) in my own words in my head.
5.36 pm – Right. HH is home. Littlest little sister is home. Babies’ feral but can’t have it all. Will have a lovely relaxing shower before I transform myself into total babe.
5.37 pm – What the actual ruddy hell is the boy baby crying for. I wonder if HH is going to do anything about it. Is HH even aware of the crying? Surely the littlest little sister will….Oh for goodness sake. I am relaxing in a lovely shower. None of this is my problem. Must force myself to relax.
5.38 pm – Boy baby is sat on bathroom floor wailing because girl baby looked at him with her eyes. It’s totally ok though, because I am ace at being mindful so I will concentrate only on the sounds of the falling water.
5.39 pm – He is really sodding loud though.
5.41 pm – Excellent, Have hollered downstairs at HH to get the boy baby a jammy biscuit so that he can eat his feelings. The boy baby is happy about this.
5.42 pm – do you know what would be really useful in the shower? A clock. I have no concept of time. How long have I been in here? Has my nourishing conditioner been on for exactly 2 minutes yet? It must have been. I have managed to rearrange all of the shampoo bottles and scrub my face with some gritty stuff.
5.43 pm – How long is defined as a long relaxing shower? Humph, if I had a clock in here I would at least know how long I had been relaxing for. I probably might just get out. That will give me lots of lovely time to do my makeup.
5.44 pm – both babies waiting for me in the bedroom. How lovely.
5.45 pm – Where the actual sodding sod is HH?
5.46 pm – Have told the babies to find Daddy because he has sweets for them. I know this is a low blow, but I am trying to have a relaxing time.
5.47 pm – What is missing is a lovely big glass of getting ready wine. I’m not even sure I can face getting ready without getting ready wine. I hate everything.
5.55 pm – I am going to spend at least an hour doing my makeup. I am going to use all of the makeup that I own (not eyeliner).
6.05 pm – Done. Phew.
6.05 pm – How in the actual hell is it only 6.05pm? I have just used all of the makeup that I own (not eyeliner). I am as attractive as I am ever going to be. There is no more that I can do.
6.07 pm – I do love my lovely new lipstick. Both babies have some on. Actually quite suits the boy one. I love those little weirdos.
6.09 pm – Ruddy babies. I would like to dry my hair without someone crying. Unless it is me. Why, if they are so offended by the noise, do they not just LEAVE THE RUDDY ROOM?
6.10 pm – Where the actual sodding sod is HH?
6.12 pm – Where the actual sodding sod is HH?
6.13 pm – I am going to divorce HH.
6.14 pm – HH has taken babies downstairs. Will continue drying my hair and then I am going to use all of the products that I own to make it super shiny.
6.15 pm – I wish I had super long hair.
6.16 pm – so glad I am blonde again though.
6.17 pm – Babies should be putting on their pyjamas. There are no sounds downstairs that imply anyone is putting on any pyjamas.
6.19 pm – Just keep out of it though. You will be out at a lovely restaurant soon and if no one is in bed that is not your problem.
6.22 pm – will just pass some pyjamas down to HH and offer gentle words of advice and encouragement.
6.23 pm – HH Put their sodding pyjamas on or they will never go to sodding bed and everything will be awful.
6.25 pm – Girl baby is crying because boy baby looked at her with his eyes.
6.31 pm – Girl baby asking 387 questions about hair. I don’t know enough things about hair. I really wish I could drink some lovely wine.
6.42 pm – Oh that will do.
6.44 pm – Ohhhh earrings
6.45 pm – No girl baby, you cannot get your ears pierced.
6.46 pm – Because you are 4
6.47 pm –Because I say it is too young.
6.48 pm – I do not care that other people have their ears pierced, and also out of interest. When did you become a teenager?
6.50 pm – Girl baby has left. She is furious with me and is going to tell Daddy. Good.
6.51 pm – Babies and HH are upstairs because it is story time. Is all fine, just need to find a bag that is not full of old food and am ready to go.
6.53 pm – I would be so much more in the mood to go out and not drink any lovely drinks if I was having a nice lovely drink in preparation.
7.02 pm – Will just sit with girl baby for a bit whilst she falls asleep. I love her.
7.10 pm – I wish she would go to sleep now though.
7.11 pm – Are boy baby and HH actually playing actual Spiderman shark mermaids in his bedroom?
7.12 pm I am furious. No. no I am not because soon I will be in an actual restaurant. And the girl baby is asleep so will go downstairs and have a relaxing sit down before I need to go.
7.31 pm – HH has come downstairs to inform us that the boy baby will not settle down. I cannot sodding well imagine why this may be you massive knob.
7.32 pm – Will sit with boy baby for one minute to encourage calm. I love him.
7.43 pm – No boy baby, you cannot muscle me. Ruddy Spiderman. It is bedtime.
7.57 pm – Am out of house! Am out of actual house. Am sure it will be fine that we are now running late for our table at nice restaurant that is always fully booked. Will be totally fine.
Day 52 (Today)
I have some time off work this week. This is super exciting as it means I can try and get on top of all the stuff that I haven’t been able to get on top of whilst I have not been feeling too great. The only teeny weeny problem with that is that I am still not feeling too great.
I think I am going to go back to the doctors, just to be on the safe side, and tomorrow I will go and tell my best friend the therapist all of the things.
Because I have a tip top social calendar, I am actually out again this evening. Myself and the biggest little sister are off to watch the littlest little sister in her school show. I am super proud of her as she has the actual lead role and has to sing solos and stuff. It’s a pretty big deal and she’s spent loads of time rehearsing. Also, her boyfriend is the boy lead role so it’s like a real life love story.
HH is on bedtime duty for the second night in a row so I think I will leave him some cheer up trifle as a little treat.
This week I have been grateful for the following*;
1 – All of the lovely birthday messages
2- All of the lovely birthday cards
3 – All of the lovely birthday gifts
4 – All of the lovely birthday outings
5 – All of the lovely birthday cake
6 – Flowers from HH. Discount and all
7 – My super cool crazy babies singing me happy birthday
8 – The wonderful people in my life
*It is a given that I am absolutely always grateful for all of the coffee.