Day 53

This morning HH and I passively aggressively argued about the car. It went a little something like this;

Me “Soooo, you will now have the car for three actual days?”

HH “Yes afraid so….I know it’s a bit rubbish”

Me (in a martyr-ey way) “*sigh*, I suppose I can’t go to my important appointment tomorrow now *sigh sigh sigh*”

HH “Yes you can, get the bus”

Me (through teeth that are gritted a teeny weeny bit) “Oh darling, there isn’t a bus that takes me to the place where my very important appointment is. And it is all a bit tricky as will need to take the babies to lovely nursery first. Tricky tricky…”

HH “its fine you can get the number bla bla bla bus to so and so street and then the bla to bla bla.”

Me “Hmmmmhmm…”

HH “you aren’t even listening to my solution”

Me “I was just wondering, inside my head, maybe if perhaps you could possibly get the (sodding ruddy) bus (for once) this time (you knob)

HH “I would happily get the bus my love, but I can’t get to work or University on time if I do that.”

Me (so bloody what) “Right. Ok. Fine. Bye. See you in 3 days, I will probably be even more mental by then because I won’t be able to leave the house or get anywhere or do anything ever. See you later.”

HH (withering look) “Bye, love you”

Me (Looks in opposite direction and does not say love you*. That will teach him).

In reality, I was being a teeny weeny bit of a brat. This is because I actually can get the bus to most of the places from the bus stop that is literally outside my house. It is just super annoying relying on them as they often do not turn up or are massively busy. This can be awkward as my babies, who at all other times can be found attached to my lap whenever possible, will not sit on my lap on the bus. No, they like to take up 2 actual seats to themselves. This also means that as a trade-off, I will stand and wibble wobble around the aisle for the entirety of the journey.

I am not very good at being restricted by time. This is because I have babies. It is handy to have a lovely car that does not follow a timetable. (Not that the buses appear to either)…anyway, I was in a big massive mood about the whole thing. But I feel much better now for the following reasons;

1 – HH later said I had a fair point. Which is almost the same as saying I was right.

2 – The bus was on time, not busy and the babies got to sit in their most favourite seats. This almost made it worth it.

3 – The babies are super ace and little things make them so happy

4 – I have had a big massive coffee. And I might have another one.

5 – I am seeing my best friend the therapist today

I have been thinking a little bit lately, about whether I will actually ever drink any lovely drinks ever again. It was never my intention to become totally-teetotoria, after my year is up. But there is a big part of me that that is a bit scared to ruin what I think has become a good thing. Also, I still absolutely believe I could very easily turn to lovely delicious lovely wine again as an escape, as my crutch. And even I realise that this isn’t massively healthy.

What I would like, is to take this year. Do all of the things I can to stay well, and then wake up next year totally able to socially drink one or two glasses followed by a sensible glass of actual water whilst watching the 10pm news. This is unlikely to happen for the following reasons;

1 – I still do not know my limits

2 – I will probably never know my limits

3 – I do not like to watch the news before bed

It is only February though. So loads could happen yet that I have no idea about.  Isn’t that super exciting?

As a side note, I went with the biggest little sister to see the littlest little sister play Adelaide in “Guys and Dolls” at her school last night. She was actually awesome, Really super awesome, and her singing was ace. Maybe one day she will be really famous and will buy me my very own car. And HH won’t ever be able to use it. Ha.

As another side note, today is the biggest little sister’s birthday. Happy Birthday biggest little sister!

The biggest little sister is a total babe. Not only is she super-hot to look at, but she has a nice heart which is mega happy and filled with lots of love and brilliant things. I think this is ace. I hope she has a wonderful day because she absolutely deserves it.

Today I am grateful for the following**;

1 – Coffee shops with plug sockets

2 – Making space to reconnect

3 – Time

Toria x

*I’ve decided I don’t like the idea of you leaving the house on an argument, even if it was a passive aggressive one, and even if I did text you apologising for being a dick afterwards (don’t tell anyone).so…I love you too. Ok.

**It is a given that I am absolutely always grateful for all of the coffee.